I feel it on my skin, the filth of participating in emotion, like a fine film covering every inch me. My being is wobbly and profoundly straying off the walkway. I watch my feet, calculating every step like a drunk on a balance beam. which states, obviously, that all my striving for the straight away is to no avail. For even I,the posterchild of non-being, will stray to the realm of thought and realization, and there my foot will catch. There I will look myself in the opposite eyes to find once again that I know full well what I'm doing. Disoriented, I veer into the street, where the guilt and sadness, the anger and regret, the confusions of life, drive at me wave after wave forming a tunnel in my sub conscience, where the tracks of their tread will linger ever after. the divots left hold a divine message. will I travel these paths within myself, analyzing the signs, taking time to take it in, driving at this road till I find the offshoot that leads me to healing and health, or will I flee down the path leading back to balancing acts. the path I know all to well, where the ruts I've dug up, deep, dark and familiar will drench me and drown me. deceived by my own devices I can only pray I am ready to grow.

I have removed an important piece from my heart in order to live again. But there is no pain killer strong enough to fight off this crippling misery. I will forever love her, and undoubtedly forever miss the love we had. I'm so sorry. Please, never forgive me.

Well....I went back to jail. damnit. oh well, I'm out now. after 67 days. and I thought 17 days of green koolaid was bad. Its really hard to maintain a deviantart when you go to jail every few months. I might be going back as well. I've got brand new charges from before I went to jail that I still havent been sentanced for. HOORAY! I'm not really worried though. Maybe I'll manage to post somethin before then. but who knows!? my artistic inspiration comes and goes more than syphillus in a whore! errr... thats all.

Tonight, tonight! The sky will light and all will run in fright! for I am posting new art! ok so maybe that sky light, fright thing was a little exaggerrated. but still, Its been a long time, and this time I swear its not a tease. not at all Like being handed a winning raffle ticket with a gun to your head. I swear it! ON ANOTHER NOTE...

I have a job. fucking finally. I work about two to three hours a day and make anywhere from $215 to $250 a week. all I have to do is go house to house and throw a rolled parchment whose surface is crowded with useless babble designed to distract the weak minded American populus from the true horrors of our corrupt and meaningless government's daily doings. Thats right, I deliver the newspaper. I thought the news was supposed to be about important things. especially the front page. but not once have I seen an article about the war we are in. If I were deaf and had no tv Im not sure I would even know there was a war. Not that its even a legitamate war. Consider...

America, the nation whose economy is supported by an imperialistic method of loaning out our money to third world countries with obscene interest, rather than running a legitamate import export market claims to have the right to wage a war on terror. because ooo, ahhh, terror is evil! this is true but I still see some problems Mr. riteous America. A. Sucking the resources out of the poor and desperate for your own gain is evil B. setting up puppet governments that spread your corrupt ideals is evil C.you attact Sadam Huisain for genocide, by bringing even more to the land and last of all, for now, D. Your fighting a war on terror...Does anybody see a problem with this statement? Cause I sure do. Terror/Terrorism is an ideal. and is thus intangible. You can't fight something intangible, and its furthermore impossible to stomp out an ideal. because even if you kill everyone who holds that ideal as of now, by the next generation it will resurface. Its a part of the human psyche! Also, Terror, being intangible and an Ideal is entirely open to personal interpretation. So now that this war on nothing has begun, anything our glorious and honorable commander and cheif labels "TERROR" is a target.

To wrap it up, I would like to share something scary. I know everyone thinks Bush is dumb. but he is not. he is a genius. First, upon the decimation of the trade towers (which, although there is no solid evidence yet, I beleive to be a hoax) the public banded together out of fear and found strength in us as a nation, and thus, with the help of post attack zeal, the patriot act was passed. now the act itself was not bad, but all the riders on the act were. In essence giving the government nearly complete control.
Then, with the publics eye now turned on the war, and "patriotism" Bush managed to sneak some more legislation under our noses. In my opinion the two most dangerous of many being, 1. The president has the sole right to declare marshal law and 2. the president can move the national gaurd in and out of any state he pleases. Now our president has the power to become a dictator. He has the right to order an attack on anything or anyone in his country, and has a personal army. Bush: Dumb ass or Mastermind? you decide.

Last night I set off fireworks. today I will do more of that. I am fiuanlly out of jail. I have been for awhile but I've been so busy with tieing up the loose ends and paying the debts I owe that I have not been able to produce more art. But I have the sketch of a painting done, I was working on that sketch on the way to court the day I went to Jail actually. I have also been saving for canvas. so any of you that still care about my art, the best of the best is on the way. Also I will be submitting my art to various galleries in Grand Rapids. Once I get a job I will be creating an independant website, and my madness will be for sale! . Just a heads up